I arrived at GrandLan Saturday afternoon with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. There were storm clouds over the downtown area and lightning licked at the rooftops. My worst fears were confirmed when I entered the darkened building to find that all of their x-boxes were out of order for re-wiring.
They taunted us by declaring it was our fault and that we should call ahead next time before assuming they still offered the use of PCs and x-boxes as advertised, then spit in our faces and charged us full price. HoldySnausages had just beaten me there and so I ordered him to take everyone hostage while I sprung into action. I roared and punched out their front window in anger as I headed to my car.
I raced down narrow side streets in my ‘99 Mazda Protege as if the devil himself were not far behind me. I screeched into my driveway and barely managed to place my vehicle in park before throwing the door open and sprinting to the house. Grabbing my x-box I dashed back to my car and peeled out of the driveway killing a small family of pedestrians instantly. I would mourn them later but for now there was no time.
Two cigarettes and one heart attack later and I was downtown again. My phone was ringing off the hook as confused GrapSF members arrived only to fall into GrandLan’s sinister trap. I double-parked in front of a fire hydrant while blocking in a police car and raced back to the dark heart of the cursed gaming center.
By then Dutch0, Haypultone, and newcomer Aaron were waiting along with HoldySnausages. We attached the mess of wires to the disgusting orifice on the one tiny television we were allowed to use and fired up my x-box for what may be the last time.
Casual matches began awkwardly as the staff of GrandLan decided that each member of their card game would sit in the lap of someone who was there to play Street Fighter, and that somehow a folding table belonged up my asshole. The locals (part of the conspiracy no doubt) then assigned the area between the players and the screen as the designated pathway to the back of the store, which they visited often for no reason. Somewhere in a back room, the staff set fire to a bag of popcorn in either an attempt to smoke us out, or a bizarre sacrifice.
Just then a chorus of angels could be heard and a light pierced the dark smokey room as MegaTplStrength burst through the door with Mabin, D-Money and CakeFarts not far behind. Having sensed an evil presence on this side of the city, something inside him told him to bring his PS3, a crucifix, and holy water as backup.
The staff of GrandLan recoiled and hissed at the prospect of us having another setup, but they regrouped quickly and decided we couldn’t use any more of their TVs. Defeated, MegaTplStrength declared that he would leave his old life behind and would be known as hotsauce from this day forward. When CakeFarts heard the news his fists clenched and he began to glow. Just when we thought his aura would destroy us all he flew straight up through the roof and rocketed across the sky towards the flat-screen TV back at his place.
When he returned we hardened our resolve to find some semblance of normalcy despite the dark will of GrandLan trying to destroy us. We had one x-box setup and, on the opposite side of the building (divide and conquer), a PS3 setup. It was Mabin, D-Money, hotsauce, CakeFarts, Haypultone, HoldySnausages, Dutch0 (who brought:), Aaron, and myself (am I forgetting anyone?). Two other newcomers showed up briefly but then quickly ran away, vomiting in horror at the chaos our meet-up had spiraled into.
G-Boobie, Mr. Baggs, Tru Talon, SmurfTac0s, and Cuban Ace were nowhere to be seen, I presume the staff of GrandLan had them murdered just hours before we were supposed to meet in an attempt to prevent the RanBat that G-Boobie was organizing.
The main highlight of the day, was getting to play at all considering an unknown enemy was pulling strings behind the scenes to stop us…
The second highlight of the day as I remember it, was the revelation that the new challenger Aaron had been sent by someone or something, to kill us using Abel. No one made it out unscathed. I thought I was doing well with Dhalsim for a moment but then he just switched back to using Abel and violated me in a way that I cannot bear to talk about. He continued to pile up the bodies of anyone who approached a stick or pad.
Also newsworthy is:
- CakeFarts’ (who attended the last session but did not play) debut in the ring with Cammy.
- GrandLan’s copy of Street Fighter is hosed, so we should always provide our own from now on.
- If anyone’s curious, the new wiring setup at GrandLan consists of all the x-boxes being behind the counter, and we only have a USB port by each TV to plug controllers into (apparently latency and inconvenience = good – Keeping track of who they hand games out to in case one goes missing = bad).
- RanBats didn’t happen this time as planned, but G-Boobie will hopefully start them soon, and once they pick up steam we’ll have a backup in place for when he can’t be there.
- HoldySnausages’ huge tattoo of Ken’s Shoryuken.
Thanks to all who made the trip. It was not our best gathering but hey, it makes all the other ones seem a lot better by contrast!
I ended up staying till midnight (my hands hurt) and wondering why we don’t all stay later. It gets a lot busier later; we could order pizza and generally draw in more casuals. It could be perhaps, that I have no life.
